Tonight,
i went out on the dock. it was sprinkling at first but i knew the rain was coming.
I needed to feel something. I needed to not be numb. I needed to let the rain fall on me. I needed to be reunited to the vibrancy of a relationship with my Savior.
I sat in silence. Songs of his love, and his creation. Of His glory, and power and Songs of HIM. They kept pooring in my mind.
as the rain intensified and the Thunder and lightnight got closer, i dont know how to explain it but whatever it was it was AMAZING. The Lord is Good! at one point i can swear that i felt the warmth of the lightnight that has just flared.
with the Monsoon swirling around me and intensifying even more, i began to sing
"He is jealous for me, He loves like a HURRICANE and i am the tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy, all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory, and i realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. Oh How he loves me so, Oh how he loves, oh how he loves!"
it is a song by John Mark McMillian and it was so appropriate for that moment.
after a sang that, i decided that since the rain was REALLY going nuts (wind kinda swirling the rain around), i should probably get back inside, so with flipflops in hand, i ran from the dock to the lil pavilian like 10 feet away. Took one last look at the rain and God's Glory displayed before me, and then sought out my way out, i ran straight across the field, ignoring the fact that smith hall guys were right there watching the storm and could probably see me..., and ran straight through the river that had formed infront of my dorm. When i reached the porch i stopped one last time to get a look at the storm. OH MY WORD! so amazing!
GOD is SO GOOD!

funny part happened next, liz happened to be in the dayroom with shawn and his dad, so here i come trapsing through the dayroom DRENCHED from head to toe. laughs occurred. i go down the hall, decide to bypass my door and go to leah and ashtons to show them what i mess i was, and to let them know i was ok, end up slipping in the hall and sliding to thier door, leaving a huge puddle of water. Leah storms out her door and is like "YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO GO OUT IN A TORNADO! R YOU DUMB!" it was funny, supposedly there was a tornado 2 minutes away and she was on her way out to get me. hahah it was a glorious moment, Charla saw me fall, haha and mary came out and was like "Becky, your soaking wet!"....hadnt noticed..

i decided it would be best to just go get cleaned up and warm. once that was done i went back to see if Leah was still ticked. she was. she had worried bout me...aw!

i then went and talked with liz. actually she did most of the talking. she has had an awesome week with the Lord. all about being Romanced by the Lord.
Im so jealous of the relationship that she has with the Lord. It seems so much more personal and intimate. I want that. I want to be complete by the Lord. to know when He is the one speaking to me or if it is just me talking to myself.

I want to be broken. why do tears come to my eyes when im around people. I dont want to break before people, i want to break before my LORD, my LOVE, my SAVIOR. I want to have that moment with Him and know that it was 100% true, genuine, and all because of Him.

I do feel joyful because of tonight, of my night with Christ, but i dont feel renewed. mended. I want to be broken. I want to be SOLD OUT. I want HIM to SHINE through me.

Its been awesome.
Goodnight